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mixojoe
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 5:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.

The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
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tomz/TIDE
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 8:59 pm    Post subject: JOKES Reply with quote

Mixojoe-A man after my own heart,I think Ive found my twin !

''Why dont they let women swim in the surf??''
Because they cant get the smell out of the fish.

And in all fairness heres one from the other side...........

Why do women need men???
Because a dildo cant take the rubbish out

*I Hope I havent offended anyone with this last Joke, all its meant for is for us to all have a good laugh and nothing else implied.

Smile tomz Smile
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Ike
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 9:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

'Why dont they let women swim in the surf??''
Because they cant get the smell out of the fish.

HA HA HA HA HA, that is a killer joke. No Bull!!!! My wife was in fits. She pissed herself laughing!!! Good one Tomz
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tomz/TIDE
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 9:19 pm    Post subject: JOKES Reply with quote

Jokes are just that, and nothing more, they should never ever be taken to heart, and I did feel that I was right on that border line,where the ADMIN comes down on you hard and fast.

Some jokes are funny because of their language, some are funny coz of location, whatever, I LOVE A GOOD LAUGH!!!

And I guess as long as we dont offend, we can keep putting in here and all have a good laugh over them.

Smile tomz Smile

PS.''Why did the chicken cross the road?''
''Because he couldnt get under it!''
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tomz/TIDE
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 8:51 pm    Post subject: JOKES Reply with quote

A man walks into Centrelink and says
"Im here looking for work. Do you have any jobs?"

The young lass behind the counter replies
"You are in luck,i just had a wealthy man call in, he has a position open as a chauffer for his nymphomaniac daughter,the job comes with a home above their garage and the salary of $100,000. per year"

The man snorts
"Oh youre lying and kidding me arent you?"

To which the Centrelink lass replies
"Yes but you started it!"
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tomz/TIDE
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 8:23 pm    Post subject: JOKES Reply with quote

POLICE ADVICE

Police are WARNING all men who frequent clubs, parties and pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman.

Many females use a date rape drug called ''BEER'' to target unsuspecting men.The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans , from taps. and in large ''Kegs''

Beer is used by female * predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have * with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply invite him home for no strings attached *. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers, men will often succumb to deires to perform * acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking Beer men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that ''something bad'' had occured.

At other times these unfortunate males are swindled out of their lifes savings, in a familiar scam known as ''A Relationship''. It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment reffered to as ''Marriage''. Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and * is offered by the predatory females.

Please tell every male you know!!

If you fall victim to this insidious Beer and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town, where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarily affected, like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, Just look up ''Golf Courses'' in the Yellow Pages. Wink
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retrobrad
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PostPosted: Thu May 01, 2008 10:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is apparantly the worlds funniest joke:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
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tomz/TIDE
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PostPosted: Sat May 24, 2008 11:26 pm    Post subject: JOKES Reply with quote

sick! I love it!! my kinda joke BRAD, still laughing as I post this next one

5% of all men love oral *
5% of all men love to watch it
the other 90% just like the peace and the silence............. Laughing

Sorry if anyone finds this one offensive in any way, its just a joke nothing more Cool

Smile tomz Smile
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PostPosted: Sat May 24, 2008 11:33 pm    Post subject: JOKES Reply with quote

Gee 2 in a row,meant to post this with the previous one, sorry.....

FINAL PROOF IS HERE,WHY A DOG IS BETTER THAN GIRLFRIEND OR WIFE

Try this, when you get home tonight, put both of them in the boot of your car, come back in an hour or three open it, and see for yourself,WHO IS REALLY HAPPY TO SEE YOU.......... Razz

In all fairness to the fairer * heres another quick one........

Why do women need men???

Coz a dildo cant put the rubbish out.....

(Hope that makes up for it girls,in some small way at least)

Smile tomz Smile
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mixojoe
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PostPosted: Sun May 25, 2008 6:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Q: Why are electric trains like women's breasts?
A: They were designed for kids, but the father usually
winds up playing with them.

Q: What is the difference between erotic * and freaky *?
A: During erotic * you use a feather, during freaky *
you use the whole damn chicken.

Q: What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
A: The frog says "ribbit, ribbit", and the horny toad
says "rub-it, rub-it"
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mixojoe
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 9:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A: Marry It!

Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A: A battery has a positive side.


What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

Q: How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
A: They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.


Q: What should you give a woman who has everything?
A: A man to show her how to work it.

Q: Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a
waist?
A: Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.


Q: How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
A: Put a nipple on it.


Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
A: Because they don't have balls to scratch.


Q: Why did God create woman ?
A: To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

Q: Why do women fake orgasms ?
A: Because they think men care.


Q: What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
A: Nothing, she's been told twice already.


Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long


Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened when she brings it.


Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand
closer to the kitchen sink.

Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'


Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There is a clock on the oven.


Q: Why do men pass gas more than women?
A: Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.


Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, he'll shut up once you let him in.



Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A: A woman who won't do what she's told

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.


Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's * drive
by 90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.


Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.



Women will never be equal to men...until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are *
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***astro_boy***
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 9:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was at an ATM the other day when this old lady held out her keycard to me and asked if i could check her balance. So i pushed her over.
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***astro_boy***
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 9:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I went into the local petrol station the other day and asked the lady i could please have a kit kat chunky. she said yes and went to get me one. She said here you go sir and i replied " I asked for a normal kit kat you fat bitch!"
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***astro_boy***
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 9:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Two guys were sitting in a bar talking about their mother in laws the first man said i am so lucky my mother in law is an angel. the second man replied your lucky mines not even dead yet!
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***astro_boy***
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why can't you put vegetables in a microwave?

the wheelchair gets stuck in the door.
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